a week in the life of...

The semester is drawing to an end. It is that time of the year. Like most college and university faculty, I am in the middle of a frenzy. It was a long week. I did a public lecture for the Graduate English Association of my program, had to go up to the Miami Beach to attend a departmental “retreat” on Friday. My writing teacher, Marianne Villanueva is in town. So, M and me took her out to dinner. All of these were wonderfully stimulating events, and necessary. But, it has left me worn out. And, writing had to take a back-burner. This weekend, therefore, will be devoted to coming back to a regular writing schedule.

As a teacher, I am beginning to find out, most of my students learn more when I dig deeper, and have fewer number of texts for them to process. But, even as I realize this, it's a hard thing to implement inside the classroom. Especially when I teach postcolonial literature. Most of my students do not know much about world history. They are not familiar with the basic contours of theories of colonialism and post-colonialism. Consequently, they need to do a lot of foundational work in the class to get to the point where they can grapple with the complexities I am asking them to grapple with. Consequently, I am trying to rethink what it would mean to design classes where I have a fewer number of texts, more critical and theoretical texts, and a class discussion where I can reach some depth. I cannot really say I have found a perfect way around that, but I am trying and I am learning everyday.

I am grateful for this job, but there are days when I am clearly falling apart. I am falling apart under the pressures of being a good teacher, a competent scholar and a writer who is keen on commenting on the world around her. The last one I have clearly taken up on myself. The world would not be split apart if I stop writing. Yet, I feel, this is the most important part of my identity. Writing is not a career for me. It's a vocation for me. And, if there is one thing that I am determined about – I am not going to let the pressures of a tenure-track job take away my creativity for me. This job is a means. Not an end.

Yet, I am finding this job can expand me. It can expand me by inducing me to read more, think more critically about literature, going more deeply into texts I have already taught. And, all these are good things that can happen to a writer. But, in order to keep growing as a writer, I will also have to make time for writing, even if it's a few moments a day.

This semester, it has been hard to do that. Partly because I have been (still am) going through so many changes. Partly because I am still settling in. But, I am trying-- trying my best. And maybe that's what matters most.

What I Am Reading Lately: Abeng by Michelle Cliff. Just finished Penelope Crumb by Shawn Stout. I am discovering, well-written children's books can engage me in very interesting ways. And, a lot can be done through this form. But more on that later...