I have been thinking a lot about balancing Academia and Creativity a lot recently. I had been thinking about it even while I was applying for the jobs, going for my campus interviews and writing postdoc applications. There was a part of me who dreaded the tenure-track trajectory-- what would happen if I get too Absorbed into the comfortable lifestyle that it invariably brings with it? What if I get too sucked up in the academic fame-game? Or simply the tenure-game? And, I was this close to giving up on academia.
But, the truth is, the kind of person I am, academia is the only place where I can survive. Besides, I love teaching. I am well aware of the challenges of finding a financially stable life for myself, while retaining my creative writer's life. I COULD NOT (CANNOT) go back to my parents' home in Kolkata without having a stable source of (decent) income. Although, the truth is, Kolkata is the place where I feel most at home in this world. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go back in Kolkata if an appropriate academic offer comes my way. But, what I could not do was to go back to Kolkata just like that -- unemployed, dependent on others for my financial sustenance. So, I decided, I will apply for an MFA.
I would still like to do an MFA. But, even as I was thinking about that option, I was aware of its challenges. It would have meant "borrowing" money, just for the sake of applying. It would have meant starting all over. Again. I didn't really give much thought to the age part of it.But the fact that I am well over 30, and would be sitting in classrooms, mostly with 20 somethings, white, American youth, clenching my teeth, as they would stumble over my poems and would shake their heads in non-understanding, did bother me. But, even then, I was OKAY with it, simply for the sake of the time it would afford me to write. The feedback I would get from seasoned professor-poets. And last but not the least, a life of respectable graduate student poverty for the next 2-3 years.
And then this job happened. Initially, I couldn't really believe it! I mean, it would take care of my financial problems. I won't have to go back home year after year broke as a bone. Besides, as much as I love writing poems and stories, I also love the challenge of theory. So, it was bothering me a little bit that leaving academia would probably mean leaving theory too! Now, this job assures that I get to do that. And I am happy about it!
I am still worried about balancing Academia and Creativity. But then, I am not a parent. I have no intention of being a parent. Most women I know are balancing parenting and academia, or, parenting and writing. So, why can't I balance Academia and Creativity? And, here I recognize, I will have to be deliberate: I will have to find time for my writing projects. I will have to remind myself to take workshops, seek out feedback. And hopefully, with the job and a better paycheck, that would become easier. I mean, I produced a good chunk of work while working on my dissertation. So, I do not see why I can't do it while I am working as an Assistant Professor. It's going to be full of challenges. And, I am sure, there will be days when I will feel tired, exhausted, too burnt out to write even a couple of lines of poems. But, what is life without its challenges?
But, the truth is, the kind of person I am, academia is the only place where I can survive. Besides, I love teaching. I am well aware of the challenges of finding a financially stable life for myself, while retaining my creative writer's life. I COULD NOT (CANNOT) go back to my parents' home in Kolkata without having a stable source of (decent) income. Although, the truth is, Kolkata is the place where I feel most at home in this world. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go back in Kolkata if an appropriate academic offer comes my way. But, what I could not do was to go back to Kolkata just like that -- unemployed, dependent on others for my financial sustenance. So, I decided, I will apply for an MFA.
I would still like to do an MFA. But, even as I was thinking about that option, I was aware of its challenges. It would have meant "borrowing" money, just for the sake of applying. It would have meant starting all over. Again. I didn't really give much thought to the age part of it.But the fact that I am well over 30, and would be sitting in classrooms, mostly with 20 somethings, white, American youth, clenching my teeth, as they would stumble over my poems and would shake their heads in non-understanding, did bother me. But, even then, I was OKAY with it, simply for the sake of the time it would afford me to write. The feedback I would get from seasoned professor-poets. And last but not the least, a life of respectable graduate student poverty for the next 2-3 years.
And then this job happened. Initially, I couldn't really believe it! I mean, it would take care of my financial problems. I won't have to go back home year after year broke as a bone. Besides, as much as I love writing poems and stories, I also love the challenge of theory. So, it was bothering me a little bit that leaving academia would probably mean leaving theory too! Now, this job assures that I get to do that. And I am happy about it!
I am still worried about balancing Academia and Creativity. But then, I am not a parent. I have no intention of being a parent. Most women I know are balancing parenting and academia, or, parenting and writing. So, why can't I balance Academia and Creativity? And, here I recognize, I will have to be deliberate: I will have to find time for my writing projects. I will have to remind myself to take workshops, seek out feedback. And hopefully, with the job and a better paycheck, that would become easier. I mean, I produced a good chunk of work while working on my dissertation. So, I do not see why I can't do it while I am working as an Assistant Professor. It's going to be full of challenges. And, I am sure, there will be days when I will feel tired, exhausted, too burnt out to write even a couple of lines of poems. But, what is life without its challenges?
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